A Nation of Curious Minds

A few weeks ago I was delighted to read that the Government  had  announced a new nationwide action plan to encourage engagement with science and technology. A big focus of course is in education.

Not before time as science has had a very low profile in many primary schools for too long. I have to be careful with this generalisation as some schools and individual teachers are doing a wonderful job. Too often though science teaching becomes very language based or lost in the middle of some thematic study.  Teachers can lack confidence and / or knowledge to embark on science studies or would rather focus on subjects of personal interest.

As a school we have prioritised Science and employed a lead teacher to work along classroom teachers with dedicated Science and Materials Technology facility. This is in some way a luxury but if you believe in promoting this amazing area of study and engagement, then it is a ‘no brainer’ in terms of budget considerations.

When ‘A Nation of Curious Minds’ was launched by Education Minister Hekia Parata (Science and Innovation Minister Steven Joyce), she said,  “If we are serious about ensuring a prosperous future for every New Zealander, we must ensure all our young people have the best possible opportunity to achieve educational success. Lifting engagement and achievement in science education is absolutely vital and the education profession must prepare all New Zealanders to be participants, and leaders, in the 21st century.”

Steven Joyce was reported as saying, “Science, and the knowledge and innovation that flow from it, plays a critical role in creating and defining our future.”

The Government’s concept of a Nation of Curious Minds is very awe inspiring and strategically very wise but for this plan to be successful, sustainable career pathways also need to be available. Historically science graduates have had to struggle to make a decent living. A PhD  graduate will spend from age 5 through to about 25 in education building massive student debt and by the time they ‘get some runs on the board’ via their research they are usually getting worn down having to battle for funding to build on their findings. Their salaries are a fraction of what a lawyer, accountant etc would get with a similar qualification and experience. So how important is science really to the nation? We have to reward these very intelligent people who commit to research and the long hours of associated work.  These are the people who progress our world with their research and development findings.

Capturing the love and passion for science needs to start with our new entrants at school. Science traverses all that we are and do as humans. Children love getting their hands and minds into this fascinating subject and it links so well with other curriculum areas. It is a way of thinking, a way of viewing the world and something that you do, not something that you learn from a textbook.

For some years we have been promoting curiosity via our approach to inquiry learning. We want the boys to develop an inquisitive disposition to the point of it being second nature to them. The macro picture of inquiry can be deceiving and may be seen as simply fostering curiosity, which of course is a laudable pursuit but we also have to empower children to become independent life- long learners.

Our job as educators is to enthuse and encourage the curiosity within children and in parallel, build the skills of developing good questions for inquiry, seeking out answers, generating solutions, testing hypotheses, justifying conclusions and exploring other questions generated during the inquiry.  The skills of inquiry learning are the building blocks for all learning. This approach actively engages and empowers children allowing access to transformational learning experiences.

A key message we keep hearing is that for New Zealand to improve its competitiveness in the global market place, we must foster creativity, innovation and enterprise in all aspects of society and particularly in schools.

At the heart of making a real difference to productivity is ‘smart thinking’ aligned with the courage to push the boundaries of our imagination and dare to do something different. We need to develop this aspiration in our children.

Our job as educators is to provide contexts for creative endeavor (be it in the arts, science, maths or any pursuit), expectations of ‘personal best’ effort and a warm, inclusive culture that supports risk taking.

In short, I am excited about the Government’s initiative, not just in the science arena but as a disposition to foster in all that we do in this wonderful country of Aoteroa.

We Can All Be Creative

How do we prepare our children for a world that is beyond our imagination? How do we craft a student’s learning journey towards a job that is yet to be created?

These are often asked questions and it is easy to trot out some glib responses. Drilling down into these conundrums it is clear that of course our children will need to know the basic skills of numeracy and literacy, but it is widely recognised that there are a collection of skills or dispositions such as perseverance, flexibility, questioning, curiosity, creativity, and optimism that are the ‘makers or breakers’ of achieving one’s potential in the 21^st century.

Intelligence as we know it is not enough and the highly acclaimed ‘thinking skills guru’ Dr Edward de Bono believes that many highly intelligent people are poor thinkers.

If I had to pick one of the key skills or dispositions that will define the future, it would creativity. This is a scary thing as most adults don’t see themselves as creative. I am one of those slightly scared and insecure adults who have looked inward and decided that I don’t have too many creative bones in my body!

Traditional education has accidently discouraged or knocked children’s self belief in this area of creativity in a number of ways. The top down, chalk and talk, content focussed and testing regime have narrowed the curriculum. It is a truism to say, ‘what is tested is valued’. This is a strong implicit message to all learners, be it adult or children.

We have to ensure creativity and thinking skill development is a dominant part of the curriculum. Not only should it be totally integrated in the curriculum ensuring the learning tasks engage higher order thinking and age and stage appropriate ‘hard fun’, but right from pre-school, children need to explicitly know that their thinking and ideas have merit and value.  Take a subject like art as it is a prime example. Traditionally most children have received implicit and explicit feedback about their art related to how it looks and in many cases how it mirrors realism. Art is an expression of a child’s thinking and this is where the value should be put.

Part and parcel of promoting creativity and thinking is treating these skills as natural and important aspects of learning with children. Discussing these attributes and providing skill development and understanding adds enormous uplift in confidence and indirectly demonstrates to children that their thinking has merit and it is an important aspect of their development.  

Creativity needs to be broken down so children can see we all have the ability to succeed. According to cognitive psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, creativity can be broadly defined as "...the process of producing something that is both original and worthwhile." Creativity is all about finding new ways of solving problems and approaching situations. This isn't a skill restricted to artists, musicians or writers; it is a useful skill for people from all walks of life.” (from Kendra Cherry  http://psychology.about.com/od/cognitivepsychology/tp/how-to-boost-creativity.htm)

Most creative achievements have come about through dogged determination. Without going into the detail there are some common ways to improve creativity in all of us and thus it makes sense for schools to make time to teach these skills and dispositions. Ideally schools will have an active programme teaching thinking strategies and infusing creativity and higher order thinking into every aspect of school life. The culture of any school needs to live and breathe these dispositions.

Arianna Rebolini  (http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/habits-of-highly-creative-people) identified 10 habits of highly creative people giving many real life examples. Some of these habits or dispositions are surprising but most make a lot of sense and help break down the mystic of creativity.

Creative people:

·         Get moving. (busy schedules including exercise)

·         Take naps. (or meditate)

·         Day dream.

·         Collaborate.

·         Take risks. (willing to pursue unfamiliar territory etc)

·         Make and stick to routines

·         Explore.

·         Pay attention. (great observers and notice the smallest of detail)

·         Forgive their own bad work. (willing to make mistakes)

·         Take time to be alone. (reflective)

Imagine what is possible if children can learn and understand these habits at a young age! It is important that we ‘unpack’ what it means to be creative for our children so they can all see that with a bit of graft they too have something worthwhile to offer.

As the Principal of Wellesley I am pleased we are a school that values questions above answers, creativity above fact regurgitation, individuality above uniformity and excellence above mediocrity. We want to prepare our children to become brave new explorers in this exciting fast paced world.

Failure as a Means to Success

One Saturday in April this year I was going through my normal morning routine of reading the paper whilst having my breakfast. In the 'pull out' Your Weekend magazine there was an excellent article by Bess Manson on 'The F-Word'. She posed the question whether failure can actually help us reach the dizzying heights of ultimate success.

So often in the school environment children have to deal with perceived or real successes and failures. The classic one for the older children is gaining selection for sports, academic or cultural teams. Many children have their heart set on making some particular team or another. The reality is in life that we all will experience disappointments, some that will almost break our heart.

Obviously the key to supporting children so they can deal with disappointments is to build a 'growth mindset' where being optimistic and resilient is central. This won't happen overnight. Parents and teachers need to create a culture where children are supported to deal with the inevitable disappointments of life.

When children see that many famous people have had to deal with considerable struggle and failure, it puts their own expectations in perspective.  In Bess Manson's article she quotes J K Rowling (Harry Potter author) who said, "Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or to use failure that often leads to greater success. I've met people who don't want to try for fear of failing. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

Rowling's first book, 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' was rejected by 12 publishing houses before it went on to become the bestselling book series in history. Elvis Presley faced rejection from the start and was told he'd be better off going back to driving trucks. Albert Einstein was expelled from school and was described as mentally slow. He was initially refused admittance to tertiary education and his PhD was turned down as irrelevant and fanciful. Dr Seuss' first book, 'And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry St' was rejected by 27 publishers before the 28th publisher sold 6 million copies of the book.

Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Louis Pasteur and so many other famous successful people experienced considerable failure.

Children need to hear these stories or similar. They need to experience disappointment as a natural part of life. We as adults need to support them through these times but not try and make everything right. Coping with failure makes our children stronger and gives them a chance to learn from their mistakes.

In her article Bess Manson quotes the Associate Professor of Psychology at Victoria University, Paul Jose. He says, "Don't run away from the consequences of disappointment or failure. Embrace your failure. Value failing. It's telling you something important-you need to keep learning."

It is important we empathise with our children when they experience disappointment and encourage them to acknowledge it themselves. This self -knowledge is essential in order to achieve lasting improvements in one's life, according to Professor Jose. We should help children not to catastrophise the situation but accept the reality of failure.

As parents, we deeply hurt for our children's disappointments but we have to be strong to help them become strong. Take for example a boy having his heart set on making a particular team. The boy is a good player and has represented his club or his suburb. He misses out on the school team(s) and comes home devastated. There are a couple of courses of action here. One is for the parent to step in and try and persuade the coach or selector to add the boy's name to the team. If the coach / selector 'caves in' what does the boy learn? He learns that when things don't go his way dad or mum will save the day. The parent robs the child of dealing with the disappointment rather than using it as an opportunity to build the boy's determination by encouraging him to work harder, give of his best and be humble (good advice for the boy though would be to let the coach know of his disappointment and that if a place comes up through injury, he'll be ready as he is going to work hard to 'step up').

I know we as teachers feel for the children who experience disappointments and behind the scenes look for ways of supporting these boys to use the experience to 'grow'. Often it is with hard work and pain we gain the resilience needed for life—tough but true.

The 'Grit' Factor

I read a fabulous article sent to me by Murray Blandford, a senior teacher here at Wellesley.  Have a read as it is a beauty! (Resilience: A Lesson From Sochi by Sydney Finkelstein)

 http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20140219-can-you-learn-resilience

The bolded sentence stood out for me: ‘The complacent and the arrogant do not accept personal responsibility. For them, failure is someone else’s fault.’

We subscribe to a magazine, ‘Teachers Matter’(1)  and I was delighted to read three articles based around the theme of promoting resilience in children. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see what is so obvious. Hard work pays off. Michael Grose in his article entitled, “True Grit” (p23) asks the question, ‘Talent or persistence? Which would you chose for your child?’ Most parents when asked this question opt for talent. 

Grose’s conclusion is that ‘in the long run conscientiousness serves a young person well when it is their default position because when the stakes are high, and they really need to work hard, they will automatically make the right choice.’ 

Thomas L Friedman said, “I live by the motto that PQ + CQ is always greater than IQ. You give me a kid with a high PQ, persistence and passion quotient, and a high CQ, a high curiosity quotient, and I’ll take them over the kid with the high IQ, intelligence quotient…In a world where all these tools are out there now for everybody, the big divide in the world is not going to be the digital divide, it’s going to be the motivational divide”

So how do you promote the traits of ‘true grit’ into our children without stealing their childhood or promoting a life of ‘hard grind’.   Grose  encourages parents to actively promote grit and persistence in children by making character part of the family’s brand.  Parents “…. can focus on character in conversations. They can share experiences where character has paid off for them in their lives.” In short, the values and language around persistence should be part and parcel of the family’s conversations.  Clearly parents would need to model such values.

 Robyn Pearce (Why Kids Need To be Resilience Proofed )2 magazine argues that from an early age let children feel the consequences of their actions. If children fail to complete a task around home or work at school and they have the time and intellectual capacity to achieve the task, insist that it is completed before any ‘goodies’ are provided.  She also argues that parents should link pocket money to tasks. I tend to agree because this not only promotes ‘taking responsibility’ but it also promotes financial literacy. Learning to save for the treats of life or just dealing with the necessities is an important lesson that many young people struggle with as an adult if they have not had these values supported in their childhood.

I am a strong supporter of promoting resilience in children and this small but powerful word of ‘grit’ is a word our boys here regularly. If we want our children to evolve and grow to be the best they can be, we must provide a learning culture of high expectations encouraging personal bests.  No pain, no gain! This sounds harsh but this is the reality of life. I am not advocating ‘nose to the grindstone’ stuff but providing the conditions for learning that insist on children pushing their own boundaries. If we provide a thinking curriculum (hard fun) which appropriately challenges the individual then follow up with the right encouragement and expectation, then we have created a powerful learning environment. If parents join us in this approach, we set children up for success.

Some of the best parenting advice I have seen is from D.A. Hutcheson, Head of Nightingale-Bamford School in NY city. She said,

“Life can often be a struggle, and mostly we don’t enjoy that struggle. Yet life would be dull without it. As a parent myself, I don’t like seeing my children struggle but it is in that struggle where children learn the most. Really, as much as possible we should let our children negotiate the bumps and ups and downs of school themselves, rather than sweeping in to negotiate it all for them. That’s the best gift we can give our children----so when we are not around, they can be successful on their own.” 

These are wise words which really say it all.

Ref:(1+2) Teachers Matter, Issue 24  www.spectrumeducation.com

What it is to be a boy!

NZ artist Wayne Youle-'What little boys are made of'.  Some people don't like the gun but I think Wayne is just saying, many boys love running around playing games with sticks, water pistols etc playing 'cops and robbers'. (this fantasy play doesn't make encourage them to be aggressive)

                                                                What it is to be a boy!

We have to be careful not to put boys in the same ‘box’and assume they all fit the same learning profile because they don’t!  However, to try and understand these wonderful beings, I have attempted to provide a basic and generalised profile below. There are of course so many other factors that come into play. Underneath this profile is a wonderful and brief insight into the differences between boys’ and girls’ brain development by Nathan Mikaere-Wallis.

Boys are different from girls and have some different learning needs.

Traditionally it was assumed boys did sport and physical stuff and they were meant to be tough and stoic showing little emotion. This meant many boys strived to meet those expectations and thus never had opportunities to grow as a whole person.
Boys, like girls want to be loved, and to feel valued.
Many boys like and need physicality, rough and tumble, mudpies, bows and arrows but all this doesn't, have to be in a macho environment.
Boys are creative spirits so they need an environment and learning experiences that foster this.
Boys love being challenged and they love what we call hard fun, i.e. engaging tasks that engage their higher order thinking.
Boys need and enjoy a culture of high expectations as long as other conditions are in place to support them. E.g. Appropriate age and stage learning scaffolding.
Boys love humour and laughter.
Our fundamental philosophy is built around the phrase, be kind, be happy and be brave.
Boys love hands on stuff like science, constructing/building things.
Boys love the natural world and enjoy outdoor pursuits such as camping, tramping, sailing etc
At the end of the day it is not so much the ingredients of the mixture but the cook (teacher/parent) who makes the difference.
Boys like structure knowing where they stand, not in a shouting top down way but in a calm, orderly way. They relate well to core values and want to be good. They relate well to good manners teaching. They yearn for acknowledgement and praise and when things go wrong they need quietly bringing back into line.
They read you quickly and if you are uptight, they will reflect that. It is a fine line we walk.
They need good role models.
Boys are loyal and take great pride in being part of a team or group they respect. They thrive with this as they are like dogs, very loyal and willing to do what it takes to honour the value system.
Boys’ brains are wired differently to girls and often we don't see them fulfil their potential until their mid to late 20s.
The really successful teachers of boys know them well and connect with their individual spirit.
                                                                                                                                     Warren Owen
                                                                                                                                                           

A brief insight into the differences between boys’ and girls’ brain development.

Females brains generally grow faster.  We can argue to the cows come home if this is because we talk to baby girls more, are more attentive and nurturing towards females, or if it is a genetic characteristic, an epigenetic feature or (more likely) some bizarre mix of all of those - the fact remains the same that generally female brains grow faster.  When we say the average age the brain reaches maturity or finishes adolescence and has an adult brain is 25, this is an average of both genders.  If we divide the genders, for females there is a broad range of about 18-24 yrs at which they reach maturity, and for boys this is an even broader range of 22-32.  So on average it is about 25.  This is an end result, I know, so let’s look at some biological differences we can measure and know for sure.

Females have a 30% larger hippocampus (memory) than males and it comes "on line" earlier for females than males.  This is clearly central to the learning process and could go a long way to explaining a physiological aspect of why girls seem to engage earlier with the curriculum.

The Amygdala (emotions -esp anger) is typically 20-30% larger in males.  This may make the male more prone to being reactive and overwhelmed by the HPA Axis or human stress response system for a longer time in development than females.  This is basically because the "alarm system" or Amygdala is larger in males. It goes off easier.  This leaves less hours for calm, centred and focussed learning.

It’s a complex system as the next biological difference between males and females is the bundle of fibres that joins your left and right brain called the Corpus Collosum.  The literature doesn’t agree how much larger a female’s corpus collosum is (it ranges from 30-300%) but it all agrees its larger!  The corpus collosum helps to integrate learning and "bring it all together", as well as playing a major role in helping to calm the amygdala, so clearly it has a role in children staying on task and focussing on learning.  It starts to paint a picture that a boy starts out with a hair-trigger alarm system (amygdala) and only a little circuit to control it with (corpus collosum).  Girls are the opposite.  A smaller emotional centre and a larger circuit to control it with - a brain much more able to focus on learning at an earlier age.

In addition there is a less known process called Lateralisation where the brain learns to effectively use one side of the brain more than the other.  This specialisation is needed for higher intelligence and some evidence suggests it happens earlier for girls (and first-borns typically!).

                                                                                    Nathan Mikaere Wallis (X Factor Education Ltd)

What do children learn from adults about gossiping?

My mother would often say, ‘if you haven’t got something nice to say, say nothing at all’. Mea culpa, as I have to admit I have been guilty at times of partaking in the idle ‘to and fro’ of gossip. After saying that, I despise malicious and hurtful gossip and I want no part of it.

Eleanor Roosovelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Essentially gossip belongs to petty minds and in our hearts we all know this. From time to time a friend, neighbor or colleague will pass some ‘tit bit’ of gossip to you and although we all enjoy some level of intrigue, we also hear that warning bell  to never trust the person passing on the gossip as we know if they are willing to talk about others, they will be willing to talk about us. Rumors start small but grow out of proportion as they are passed on until they become ‘truth’ and hurt others.

Manipulative gossips often preface the delivery with comments like, ‘I shouldn’t really be telling you this but…’ or ‘I think you should know this as it could happen to you etc’. The classic of course is, ‘I know you can keep a secret and won’t pass this on.’

The really dangerous gossips are those who give a snippet of information about a person and then leave it at that for the recipient to form their own conclusion and refuse to pass on the source of the information. This ‘nod is good as a wink’ approach is just as bad as the gossip who decides to make 2+2 = 5. That is, distort or make up the information.

So why do people gossip?  Usually it is to try and get attention, control or gain power. The gossip is desperately trying to be the centre of attention and to feel special. Often these people feel inferior and/or jealous and are trying to gain status.

Children need strong role models so they don’t stoop to this level of behavior. We have to help them distinguish what it is to be a kind and positive person. There are practical reasons to teach our children about the pitfalls of gossiping such as avoiding gaining a reputation as someone not to be trusted. As an adult, malicious gossip is very close to slander and a potential career blight.

So how can we promote ethical behavior around this subject of gossip with children?

‘As night follows day’, children will usually act with the ethics and values of their parents. If they hear their parents gossiping as part and parcel of their daily life, then the children will almost certainly be likely to do the same. So clearly ‘walk our talk’ and  model appropriate kind and non-judgemental behavior.

Take time out to explain to our children the damage that can be done by hurtful comments. Child and adolescent psychologist D'Arcy Lyness (1) explains, "When you say mean things, tell stories that you're not sure are true or reveal information you know is supposed to remain private, you're spreading gossip." Activities for children about gossip help break the chain of mean-spirited talk about others and learn to respect others' feelings and privacy.”

Games such as ‘Telephone’ where someone whispers a message to the person next to them and this is passed on around the group by each person whispering to their neighbor, is a good way to demonstrate to children how messages can easily get distorted. A message like, “Ben likes scrambled eggs done in a frypan”, can easily end up as “ Ben scraped his legs on the van.”

Another good game is to get a child to squeeze out some toothpaste onto their finger and then give them 2 minutes to put it back in the tube. The children quickly realize this is almost impossible. This is a good illustration of you can’t take back what has been said and put out into the open.

Some of the best time to talk to children is on a car journey somewhere when just you and your child/ren are in the safe and contained haven where the focus can be on a good chat.

Without laboring the point too hard, “Children learn more than just ABCs in preschool and grade school. They also learn about social interactions and about the pitfalls of gossip and rumors. Children will spread gossip for several reasons, including the need to "fit in" with their friends, for control, and as a way to feel special or to impress others. Teaching children when they're young that spreading rumors and gossip is unacceptable will help them become more responsible, trustworthy adults.” (2)

There are times when children need to speak out and pass on information to a trusted adult for the welfare of another child. We have to help children distinguish between right and wrong and through discussion and role play, this can be achieved.

Finally, the best outcome we can hope to achieve with our children is for them to ‘take the high ground’ and learn early in life that people with character avoid gossip and look for the positive attributes in people.

1.     How to Teach Children About Gossip

By Jaimie Zinski, eHow Contributor

        

2.     Activities for Children About Gossip

By Tamara Van Hooser, eHow Contributor

Jaimie Zinski

Residing in Chippewa Falls, Wis., Jaimie Zinski has been writing since 2009. Specializing in pop culture, film and television, her work appears on Star Reviews and various other websites. Zinski is pursuing a Bachelor of Arts in history at the University of Wisconsin.

Bringing the Best Out In Boys

 

How do we bring the best out in our boys in this challenging world in which we live?

Over the many years I have been involved in boys’ education I have read widely on this subject and through day to day experience observed many truisms. The classic one of course is ‘it is easier to build a child than repair an adult’.

To build happy and well balanced men we have to understand what it is to be a boy!

Not so long ago, some would cry ‘sexist’ if you suggested there are differences between boys and girls but over the last decade there has been a wave of neuroscience research demonstrating that the differences between boys and girls are more profound than anyone guessed.

Well known Australian psychologist, Dr Michael Carr Gregg believes that girls’ brains are not developed fully until around age 23 whereas boys’  brains, on a good day, with a tail wind,  reach full development around age 30.  Yet, often we are all in too much of a hurry to put intensity into children’s lives to ensure they are successful and in doing so risk derailing them before they can even enjoy a childhood. A lot of men will tell you they did not start believing in their ability until their mid to late twenties. Time and time again I see Wellesley old boys who at the time found the core skills of school very difficult, go on to complete challenging tertiary education and take on very responsible jobs.

Author, Dr Leonard Sax is just one of many researchers who is convinced that we must change school learning environments so the differences between boys and girls don’t become limitations.

“The brain develops differently. In girls, the language areas of the brain develop before the areas used for spatial relationships. In boys, it is the other way around. A curriculum which ignores those differences will produce boys who can’t write and girls who think they are ‘dumb’ at maths.

The brain is wired differently! In girls, emotion is processed in the same area of the brain that processes language. So, it’s easy for most girls to talk about their emotions. In boys, the brain regions involved in talking are separate from the regions involved in feeling. The hardest question for many boys to answer is: “Tell me how you feel.”

The typical teenage girl has a sense of hearing considerably more acute than a teenage boy. That’s why daughters so often complain that their fathers are shouting at them. Dad doesn’t think he’s shouting, but dad doesn’t hear his voice the way his daughter does.

Girls and boys respond to stress differently—not just in our species, but in every mammal scientists have studied. Stress enhances learning in males. The same stress impairs learning in females.”   Dr Leonard Sax   www.whygendermatters.com

Girls work better in rooms heated to 23 degrees whereas boys respond better in 18degrees.

Clearly if these and other differences are not understood then we all run the risk of at best limiting the learning environment for both girls and boys and at worst destroying the individual’s self esteem to a point where they become ‘at risk’  and ‘dysfunctional’.

Sax argues that the best way to raise your son to be a man who is caring and nuturing, is to first of all, let him enjoy his childhood. There is definitely no one way to be a boy but what is clear is they all need the same affection and attention as girls. Sax and other argue that we need to celebrate the laughter and fun of mudslides, the rough and tumble, the natural world of bugs, lizards, eels and possums.  Mature and confident men usually have had secure childhoods with loads of love and laughter.

I certainly agree with psychologist, Dr Michael Grose ‘s views on how you raise well- adjusted boys.

First and foremost you must like them and give the time to get to know them. Showing interest and being part of their chosen activities goes a long way.  Boys are like dogs, very loyal if they sense they are trusted and liked. Loyalty is a major driver in the male psyche. It is said that girls are able to directly connect with subjects but boys connect with a subject via a teacher. Truly successful teachers of boys know them well and show they care about the individual boy. They connect with their spirit.

This loyalty of boys extends to their peer group which can be a strength or a weakness depending on the functionality of the friendship group.

Boys like to know who is in charge. They want boundaries as they make them feel safe and secure. They want to know someone is going to enforce those boundaries and as Celia Lashlie says, boys will cross the line but they want to be brought back.  This ‘bringing back’ ideally should not be a verbal or physical combative experience but a calm logical follow on from established expectations of behaviour.  Most boys do not respond well to public reprimands and it is clear that focusing on the positive is more likely to produce the desired outcomes.

Boys generally relate to consistency and simple and straight forward logic. Lecturing is a waste of time. Someone once said, you may as well write out your 10 best lectures and number them 1-10.When things go wrong, ask them to go to their bedroom and refer to the relevant number lecture, for what good it will do. The notion of discipline is the same as it always was but what has changed is how you deliver the message. Often children need love and support when they least deserve it!

 

I have met very few boys who when treated with respect, fairness and kindness don’t respond well. If you are consistent and they know you and are on their side they will usually see the rationale behind your stance and go the extra mile. (even if they do initially throw their toys out the cot)

 

We have to demonstrate and teach boys how to act reflectively as opposed to reactively. This is closely connected with the old myth of boys must be the ‘tough nut’, no crying, no sissy stuff! This gender straightjacket prohibits warmth and empathy. This eventually can become a relationship ‘time bomb’ that can de rail men later in life. This emotional intelligence teaching and modeling is vital in these early years.

It takes masterful teachers and parents to build a risk taking learning culture at home and in schools. One of our challenges is to make our boys feel comfortable to make mistakes.

One clear message from all the psychologists studying boys, is get it right early and set your boys up for success because it isn’t going to get easier. Anyone with teenagers will relate to that.

Dr Michael Carr Gregg and Dr Michael Grose (both Australian) are particularly outspoken. Their advice for parents is to ‘harden up’, set boundaries and follow through.

If we ‘cave in’ and become inconsistent and unreliable, we will be setting up the child for failure.

I truly believe we (Wellesley parents and school) have a successful partnership going on. There is a genuine desire to work together. I believe our boys are lucky on that the adults in their life are generally on the same wavelength.

After saying that we are all on a learning curve of one degree or another and it is important to have this ongoing dialogue with our aim to grow good men out of these wonderful boys.

Our holistic philosophy valuing the academics, arts, the sports and fostering personal best achievement provides a pathway of success and acknowledgement for all.

 

(acknowledgement: I have leaned  heavily on Dr Michael Carr Gregg, Dr Michael Grose and Dr Leonard Sax and my own experience and articles for the above view)